


Late Afternoon at SeaTac Coffee

by Gramarye



Category: Microsoft Office Danshi
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Anthropomorphic, Gen, Microsoft Office Suite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:48:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21968818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gramarye/pseuds/Gramarye
Summary: 'I'm gonna quit and go work in a coffee shop.''You can't even keep track of half of the tasks you're supposed to do atthisjob. What makes you think that you'd be better off in a coffee shop?'(or, Microsoft Word daydreams about alternate employment, and Microsoft Excel gets dragged along for the ride)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48
Collections: Yuletide Madness 2019





	Late Afternoon at SeaTac Coffee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marmolita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marmolita/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Late Afternoon in the Office Suite](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21789664) by [Gramarye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gramarye/pseuds/Gramarye). 



> A last-minute treat idea popped into my head and would not leave -- and since you said you would love a coffee shop AU for the Microsoft Office Danshi, dear Yuletide Recipient, I hope this comes as a welcome treat!
> 
> For ease of reference, the [Microsoft Office Danshi are available here](https://rainbow-taishi.tumblr.com/post/170729546178/microsoft-office-danshi)!

'I'm gonna quit and go work in a coffee shop.' 

Microsoft Word let out a gusty sigh, and fell forward across his keyboard in a sprawl. The paperclip pinning his forelock into place went askew, poking out at an odd angle down around his eyebrows.

Microsoft Excel, who was more than familiar with his coworker's late-afternoon fits of despair, did not turn his head or pause his typing for a second. 'You can't even keep track of half of the tasks you're supposed to do at _this_ job,' he said. 'What makes you think that you'd be better off in a coffee shop?'

~~~~~~ MICROSOFT WORD'S INNER MIND THEATRE ~~~~~~

'Welcome to SeaTac Coffee, may I take your order?'

Microsoft Word gave his usual blithe greeting to the application who had just stepped up to the register, but his smile faltered a little when he actually saw the expression on the customer's face. The undercaffeinated masses could be blunt to the point of open rudeness, especially first thing in the morning or right before closing, and yet this customer had a direct stare that usually led to requests to speak to a manager sooner rather than later. His trendy narrow eyeglasses only added to the sense that Word was under unpleasantly close scrutiny.

'For exactly seventeen business days,' the customer declared, 'between the hours of 4:25 and 4:37 PM, I have ordered the exact same medium chai tea latte made with skim milk. Through some impossible coincidence of your schedule or mine, I have ordered that same drink from you each time, right here at this very register. And over the course of those seventeen business days, of the same order being given to the same person at the same time, I have never had the name on my cup spelled the exact same way twice.'

Word waited for the customer to keep going...but that seemed to be the extent of his complaint. His smile widened, because he didn't know what else to do with his face. 'Did I spell it wrong, Mister....uh, Mister....?'

'My name is Excel,' the customer said stiffly. 'On Day One, and on every subsequent day. I gave my name to you as _Excel_ , with the five letters spelled out. And I have compiled a list of the following incorrect names with which my drink was labelled.' 

From out of nowhere, he pulled out a sheet of paper. On it, Word could see a two-column table. The column on the right had a list of dates; the one on the left had a list of words. 

'The first day,' Excel said, 'the name on the cup read _Axle_ , as in the component of a car. The second day, it was _Axel_ , ending with an E-L instead of an L-E, as in the competitive figure skating jump. And on the third day, you appeared to dispense with the E entirely, and give my name as _Axl_ , as in the popular singer-songwriter.' Before Word could respond with any kind of defence, Excel continued, using one finger to navigate down the page in his hand. 'On Day Four, things began to get creative. I received, in quick succession, a series of medium skim chai tea lattes for _Expel_ , _Pastel_ , _Excess_ , _Oxen_ , _Eggshell_ , and for some reason, _Bonspiel_.'

Word blinked. 'What's a bonspiel?'

'I have no idea what it is, but apparently on Day Nine, you believed that it was my name.' Excel tracked further down the page. 'Where was I...ah, yes, on Day Ten I was _Cowbell_ \-- an unfortunate choice there -- and you rounded off your creative selections by making medium skim chai tea lattes for individuals named _Auk_ , _Access_ \-- which would have confused one of my coworkers, had he been present for it -- _Espadrille_ , _Exchequer_ , _Exceed_ , and _Auxiliary_ , before culminating with the copyright-infringing _Excedrin_.'

It still wasn't immediately clear to Word what the problem was. Yet his blank stare, far from infuriating his customer, only made Excel sigh and rub his forehead with his free hand.

'Look, you _have_ to know that you're losing business to LibreCoffee over there.' Excel waved in the direction of the shop's picture window, where the busy rival coffeehouse could be seen on the other side of the street. 'No one's going to want to pay an exorbitant amount for the same overall product that an open-source coffee shop can provide unless the service really stands out...and you can't even spell my relatively simple name correctly.' He held up the list of offending names. 'Do you have any logical explanation for this at all?'

'Oh, sure!' Word replied, pleased that he'd finally been asked a question he could answer. 'Spell-check doesn't catch wrong words unless they're actually misspelled. And none of those names on your cup were misspelled, right?'

Excel opened his mouth, and then snapped it shut again.

'So I didn't catch the mistakes,' Word concluded triumphantly, 'because they weren't really mistakes to me!'

~~~~~~ MICROSOFT WORD'S INNER MIND THEATRE ~~~~~~

Word rolled half onto his side, peering over at Excel through the hair falling in his face. 

(All right, maybe he didn't _really_ want to work in a coffee shop. But he didn't want to give Excel the satisfaction of saying _I told you so_ , either.)

**Author's Note:**

> With both Microsoft and Starbucks headquartered in Seattle, a coffee shop AU was inevitable for this fandom, and hence SeaTac Coffee was born. (As was LibreCoffee, the stand-in for LibreOffice.) And really, if Microsoft Word can teach us anything, it's that spell check is not your friend.
> 
> Many thanks again to marmolita for the original prompt -- I'm glad I was able to give you a hint of your requested coffee shop AU!


End file.
